I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
