do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
