Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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