she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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