Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
