You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Will you blow on my dice?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
