I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
