guys are not supposed to queef...right?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
