Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
