First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
