booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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