so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
