Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
