FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
