This is not my ceiling
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
