Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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