11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
