how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
