she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
