My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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