Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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