'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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