Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
