do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We were destined to go to rehab together
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
