I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
