in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
