Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
