the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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