wrigley field is MILF paradise
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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