Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
