i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
