why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
