having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
