dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
