How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
