Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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