Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
