whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
