I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
