I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
