it was like eating out sand paper
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
