Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
