super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
