I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
