How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
