you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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