Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
