How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
