Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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