ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
